His Perfect Timing

Lately I have felt completely overwhelmed with life. I've felt beat down and tired. I have books, devotionals, and aps sitting on my bedside table staring back at me for months now. Yet every night I choose to turn on the tv as I fall asleep. I really felt God talking to me tonight. This past Sunday our pastor Kyle talked about the crucifixion. He talked in detail about the excruciating pain that Jesus suffered for us. It made me stop in my tracks and really think about my "exhaustion."

What Jesus endured I cannot even fathom. I cannot even read the gory details because I don't have the stomach for it. He did this .for. me. Why am I such a selfish person that I cannot even take 5 minutes to read my Jesus Calling devotional? Sin has just been in the forefront of my mind this weekend. All different types of sin. One thing I have been completely convicted of this deployment is the sin of not trusting and relying on my own strength. I just read an excerpt from a fantastic book my friend got for me and I'm going to share it. For all my friends whose husbands have gone, or are going over seas be warned it  might make you cry as it did me. But I have never been so convicted in my life. The author is talking about her husbands deployment:

"But now, fifteen months later, I definitely felt like a military wife. I knew what it was like to carry my cell phone with me everywhere, including to bed. I watched the news and wondered if my husband was in the area where they were reporting violence; I knew the pain of sitting by myself at church and feeling completely alone in a room filled with people; I sometimes cried when I saw a soldier in uniform; I knew what it was like to force myself to answer with a pleasant "I'm good" when someone asked me how I was doing, knowing they didn't want to hear how I really felt.

But sitting on the couch that day, worn out, spent, and ready to quit with no clear idea how I could do that, I came to another realization: That the strength I'd run on for so long was only my own and that already seven months into the deployment, I was missing what God was trying to teach me. That my strength had absolutely nothing to do with it.

This was a hard truth to swallow...

You had to be strong when you least expected it; when well -meaning friends made comments that made you want to wilt; when strangers told you exactly what they thought about the war your husband was fighting; when you saw couples out walking hand in hand. You had to be strong when the car broke down and your child got sick and the garage door wouldn't open and the dog threw up on your already not-so-clean carpet. You had to be strong for yourself, because there was no one else who would be.

I had thrown my military wife dress up clothes on with such focus and determination that I hadn't put on the most important garment. My faith. Instead of wearing my faith in God as my favorite piece and depending on it each day, I had treated it like and accessory I sometimes picked up and often put down, counting on my own confidence, my own determination, and my own stick-to-itiveness to get me through. I was making it, but sometimes barely. I was determined but there were major struggles. I was strong, but my strength was coming from one weak source. Me."

God Strong
by Sara Horn



Man. That excerpt hit me hard. Like a ton of bricks hard. Even if you aren't a military spouse, how often do we drive on for months and months drained or "exhausted" from living off our own puny strength when God is right there whispering "come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." Why is it so hard for me to just go to Him. He is all that I need.

Well just a little thought for the evening. I hope this has encouraged you like it encouraged me. Jesus is our only source of strength! Rest and reflect on that tonight <3